LIES vs TRUTH
There are mindsets that many people in the church are walking around with that labels dating as “unhealthy”. We want to expose the common lies that come out of this mindset, and replace it with truth and scripture. We hope that this blog will be a catalyst in renewing your mind so you can begin to step into healthy/whole living.
Here are 19 common lies our team has identified, and some truths to send those lies packing!
Lie #1: If I go on one date it will lead to marriage.
Truth: One date does not have to end in marriage. You have the freedom to choose what happens after one date. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6
Lie #2: If I date someone and it doesn’t end in marriage, I’ve failed.
Truth: Marriage does not equal success. Loving yourself well and someone else does. You are not a failure if a relationship doesn’t work out. “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
Lie #3: I will never get over the heartbreak of losing someone.
Truth: God is with us in our pain and heartbreak. He never leaves us. His promise is to heal the brokenhearted. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 174:3 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18
Lie #4: If I go on a date, I must give them something in return. (ie, sex)
Truth: You don’t “owe” another person anything for taking you on a date. The things we are commanded to show people is love. ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Mark 12:31). What does love look like? “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Lie #5: My sex drive is too high and I won’t be able to control myself.
Truth: There is nothing wrong with a high sex drive. The goal is to learn how to manage it. You’ve been given the mind of Christ to discover how that works for you. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
Lie #6: I must have a certain financial status to be ready to date.
Truth: Money does not make relationships succeed. It’s character, commitment, respect, and love that contribute to a healthy dating relationship. “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Lie #7: Dating is a part of the story that God never intended.
Truth: Our entire life is a beautiful story that God has created. With every shortcoming and victory, He has called us His beloved and no story He created is ever cheap. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10
Lie #8: Dating is un-biblical.
Truth: God created us to be in relationship with one another. He created man and woman to be in relationship with one another. Dating is a way to get to know one another on a deeper level. Dating is also a personal choice. If you choose to date, you aren’t sinning. If you choose to date you are choosing to practice loving someone well. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” John 13:34
Lie #9: If I choose to date someone, I could miss out on someone else.
Truth: We cannot mess up the plans of God. God works everything out and uses it all. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Lie #10: There is only one person on the planet for me.
Truth: God gives us the freedom to choose all things in life. Ultimately He knows who it will be, but we get to choose who that person is. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Lie #11: I won’t be lonely when I’m dating or in a committed relationship.
Truth: Dating doesn’t fix your problems. The same way marriage doesn’t fix your problems. Being in a relationship actually can highlight unhealthy patterns in a person’s life. However, becoming the healthiest “you” will contribute to your dating life. Expecting someone else to fix your loneliness will not end well. The truth is God is always with us. He never leaves us and we are fully accepted by Him. “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.” Psalms 139:7-10
Lie #12: There will be a “divine heavenly sign” pointing me to date someone.
Truth: Although this may be true for some, the bigger truth is that we have the power, freedom, free will, and wisdom to choose a dating partner/spouse for ourselves. “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7
Lie #13: All the “good” men and women are taken.
Truth: In God there is no lack. He is the God of abundance. “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalms 84:11
Lie #14: I have to do all I can to keep the person I’m with so they won’t leave me for someone else. (ie, have sex with them, compromise my core values, give up my dreams, etc.)
Truth: Who you are is valuable. If the person you are with does not respect you or the boundaries you have set up, then they are not loving you well. It’s your responsibility to protect the value of who you are, and that means being with someone who values you as well. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Lie #15: Dating will fulfill all of my needs and I will be happy all the time.
Truth: Another person cannot meet all of your needs and make you happy 100% of the time. You must cultivate your own happiness through your identity in Christ and your relationship with Him. Knowing you are a beloved son/daughter of God should be your foundation; from there life flows. Everything else becomes a bonus. “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
Lie #16: I am not complete unless I am dating or married.
Truth: No one else can complete you. God gives us our name and our identity. “For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete.” Colossians 2:10
Lie #17: I am not a whole person because I have dated (and given parts of myself away) or because I have not dated.
Truth: If you have dated, it doesn’t make you better or worse. If you haven’t dated, it doesn’t make you better or worse. Point is, dating is a choice! “So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” Romans 14:12 and check out all of Romans 14.
Lie #18: I don’t have what it takes to date or pursue a relationship.
Truth: You are fully equipped with Christ to do everything you set out to do. He gives us strength, power, and love. “Now may the God of peace … equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.” Hebrews 13:21
Lie #19: I am not worthy of pursuing a partner who challenges or scares me.
Truth: You have been called a worthy son or daughter. “Even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:4-6 and check out, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
If any of the above lies felt familiar you have the power to break agreements with those lies today! All you have to do is repent for the lies you have believed and replace them with God’s truth. It could look something like this …
“Lord, I’m sorry for believing the lie that (Insert lie). I repent and break all agreements that I made willingly or unwillingly with that lie and I send it to you Jesus to be dealt with. I believe, receive, and declare your word of truth over my life God and that truth is (insert truth here).”
The lies listed above are just a few. What are some lies you’ve struggled with? Have you discovered God’s truth that replaces each of them? How has your life been differenct since you’ve sent those lies packing?
– Amanda Zentz (Intern)